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By Latoya Gayle
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I'm the mother of an adorable 3-year-old boy named Troy, who has Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS), which is on the autism spectrum. Each person on the autism spectrum has different symptoms, and it affects people to different degrees. Troy is overall a happy child, but the feelings that you and I have are abstract ideas to him; he has trouble understanding other people's emotions and the concept that what he does affects others. For example, Troy will step on your foot and see that you are upset, but he lacks that sense of empathy to feel badly about it. He has to be taught little things that typical children just naturally pick up, like pointing or looking at someone when they're speaking to him. My son also has "sensory integration concerns," meaning he seeks sensory input by crashing into things and other people, jumping off things or burying himself in pillows. Because he lacks a sense of danger and is a little insensitive to pain, he'll do things like climb the tallest slide at the park and jump off—completely unaware that this may hurt. He'll also mimic other children with no rhyme or reason; he just does it because they do it. I feel like this makes it harder for people to get know Troy and his true personality.
I think parents go through unique stages of grief when their child is diagnosed with autism. This first stage is made up of relief and mourning—relief because someone confirms your sense that your child is different, and mourning because you lose your hopes and dreams for your perfect child. We learned that Troy had autism when he was 22 months old. We'd felt like something wasn't right from the time he was a baby, so I was, in a way, glad to have a doctor tell me what it was. But I was painfully sad because autism just didn't fit in with my perfect plan; the possibility of having a child with any kind of health or developmental problem never crossed my mind.
The next stage you go though is guilt and sadness—the infamous "Why me?" period. Was it something I did wrong? Maybe I should have skipped that tuna sandwich or cup of coffee when I was pregnant. Why didn't I notice sooner? Then you progress to fix-it mode, when you think, "All I have to do is make sure he gets 40 hours of behavioral therapy every week. I won't give him toast or milk, even if they're on the short list of things my kid will eat. If I just do this or that, I can fix him." Slowly, you realize that the only person who needs to be fixed is yourself. Nothing about your child has changed after the autism diagnosis—he's the same kid he was the week before you found he was officially "on the spectrum." You realize that you didn't do anything wrong. It's just the cards you've been dealt.
That's when you finally arrive at acceptance. You see that this diagnosis is a tool to help you understand your child a little more and help you deal with his behaviors better. I now know that while Troy is autistic, he's also a lot like other people in our family. He's emotional and sensitive like his sister. He smiles a lot and can be so focused on a task that he tunes people out, just like I tend to do. He likes sports and doesn't understand emotions well, like his father (and lots of other men). He likes things done his way, like his grandma.
I might get judgmental looks when I can't stop my kid from screaming at Stop & Shop. Or I might get a hurtful comment like, "Why can't he talk?" But I know that while I have to work a lot harder with Troy, the rewards are also great. I've come to appreciate the little victories: I'm excited if he looks at me while asking a question or if he has a "normal" reaction like crying when he falls down. I can laugh when he does something like dump out an entire bag of flour and dance in it. I've learned a lot about myself through this process too. I live life more fearlessly. I know that I am a lot stronger than I ever thought I was. Though I have always known that it's OK to not be perfect, now I feel that it applies to me and my family.
Troy has made tremendous progress, partly due to the efforts of his doctors at Children's Hospital Boston, and I expect he will continue to. I don't have a crystal ball to see what he'll be like as an adult, but I'm OK not knowing, because I've learned to take it one step at a time. Most importantly, I know that the love I have for my son is what matters the most and is what will carry both of us farther than I could ever imagine.
More information on Children's Developmental Medicine Center
Inspired eating from celebrity chef Ming Tsai
Ming Tsai is the owner and chef of Blue Ginger in Wellesley, Mass., and author of three cookbooks. He hosts Public Television's cooking show, "Simply Ming," and was the long-time host of the Food Network's hit "East Meets West with Ming Tsai." Here, he shares his recipe for Cranberry Hoisin Chicken Rice.
This is a fantastic all-in-one meal that the whole family will enjoy. If you'd rather not deglaze with wine, feel free to use more chicken stock.
Serves 4 to 6
Ingredients
8 chicken thighs, skin on
1 tablespoon minced garlic
2 bunches scallions, sliced; save º cup for garnish
2 cups jasmine rice
1 cup red wine (optional; can replace with chicken stock)
1 cup fresh cranberries
‡ cup hoisin
3 cups water
Canola oil for cooking
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
Pre-heat oven to 375 degrees. Place an oven-proof casserole with a tight lid on the stove top over medium-high heat and coat lightly with oil. Season the chicken thighs and color on all sides; set aside. Pour off the chicken fat. Add enough canola oil to just lightly coat and sauté garlic and scallions, then add the rice and season and sauté for three to five minutes. Deglaze with red wine and reduce by º. Add the cranberries, hoisin and water and check for flavor. Add the chicken, bring to a simmer, cover and transfer to oven for 30 to 40 minutes. Let rest out of oven for 10 minutes, then serve family style, garnished with scallion greens.
Serves 4
Ingredients
3 eggs, beaten
1 pound ground pork
1 bunch scallions sliced, white and green parts separated
6 cups cooked long grain rice, preferably a day old so itís nice and dry
1 cup Sweet and Sour Cranberry Chutney, plus 2 tablespoons for garnish (recipe below)
1 tablespoon naturally brewed soy sauce
Canola oil for cooking
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste
In a wok or sauté pan coated well with oil over high heat, add eggs (they should puff up immediately), stir quickly and transfer to a large plate lined with paper towels. Dump out excess oil, too, leaving behind just a thin coating. Place the wok back over high heat and add the pork. Break up and cook until browned, then add the scallion whites and mix. Add the rice, cranberry chutney, naturally brewed soy sauce and eggs. Season with kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper and check for flavor. Serve in a large bowl and garnish with scallion greens and additional Chutney.
Serves 4
Ingredients
2 red onions, cut into ‡-inch dice
2 tablespoons minced lemongrass, white part only
2 cups dried cranberries, such as CRAISINS, chopped
‡ cup sugar
2 cups naturally brewed rice vinegar
Canola oil for cooking
Canola oil for cooking
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste
In a sauté pan coated lightly with oil over high heat, sauté the onions and lemongrass until soft, about five minutes. Season with kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper and check for flavor. Add cranberries and sugar and deglaze with naturally brewed rice vinegar. Reduce by 75 percent, or until liquid is absorbed. Check again for seasoning. When cool, transfer to a container, cover, and store in fridge for up to two weeks.
More healthful recipes by Ming Tsai
Watch David Ludwig, MD, PhD, talk about how to eat well—and why it's so important
Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They'd Ask): The Secrets to Surviving Your Child's Sexual Development from Birth to the Teens by Mark Schuster, MD, PhD, chief of General Pediatrics at Children's Hospital Boston, and Justin Richardson, MD. By walking readers through the development of an average girl and boy, this how-to guide talks about how parents can influence their children's sexual development in healthy ways through honest communication.
Circles of Hope by Karen Lynn Williams. Facile, a boy in Haiti, struggles to grow a tree as a gift for his new baby sister, Lucia. The baby gets sick, and while she and Mama are far away in a hospital, Facile builds a circle of stone to protect the "gift of hope," which is ready when Lucia finally comes home. For readers 4 to 8.
Next to Nothing: A Firsthand Account of One Teenager's Experience with an Eating Disorder by Carrie Arnold. Drawing from her own experience, Carrie Arnold
offers practical
advice and guidance to young adults and teens with eating disorders, or who are at risk for developing one. For teen and young adult readers.
to of young women have bulimia nervosa*
to of young women practice unhealthy patterns of dieting, purging and binge eating **
(about) of the population
has binge eating disorder
in young women
has an eating
disorder
of women with anorexia nervosa may die from anorexia-related causes
February is Eating Disorders Awareness Month. For an appointment with specialists in Boston, Weymouth, Peabody, Waltham or Lexington, call 617-355-7178.
Since its release in 2006, Gardasil, the first vaccine to help prevent cervical cancer and other conditions caused by the human papillomavirus (HPV), has been dogged by questions about its benefits and high cost, claims of adverse reactions and unease from parents about vaccinating their kids against a sexually transmitted disease. Lydia Shrier, MD, MPH, an adolescent medicine doctor at Children's Hospital Boston, recently addressed these concerns.
Q: Why is it so important for girls to get the HPV vaccine?
A: Before the vaccine, our ability to prevent HPV focused on counseling around sexual contact to limit exposure and, once exposure occurred, Pap smear screening to detect precancerous abnormalities. Those things still need to happen and are very important, but now we have a third prong to our approach. What we know about the vaccine at present suggests very little downside to getting it, and I think the potential benefits outweigh that minimal risk.
Read the rest of the HPV vaccine Q&A
Children's recently launched Generation Cures, a first-of-its-kind Web site for 8- to-12-year-olds and their parents that aims to teach kids the importance of giving back. The site's animated Zebrafish series follows friends who form a rock band, then use their music to help a band member who falls ill. Caduceus, the site's adventure game, takes kids to a fantasy world to help find cures for a deadly virus. There are also video interviews of Children's doctors and scientists by patients.
Although everything on Generation Cures is free to members, it's designed to inspire family fundraising in support of Children's research. Funds can be raised through individual gifts in place of membership fees, or kids can find sponsors who will reward their progress in the games with a donation to Children's. Corporations can also get involved through sponsorship opportunities. And this holiday season, Generation Cures kicked off Project Good Gift, which encourages kids and their parents to give up a holiday or special-occasion gift and make a donation to Children's instead.
Find out more at generationcures.org
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