Coping with Frightening Events - Children's Hospital Boston

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Boston, MA 02115
(617) 355-6000

My Child Has:

Coping with Frightening Events

Programs that treat this condition

	Children's Hospital Neighborhood Partnerships		Outpatient Psychiatry Service
	Pediatric Psychiatry Consultation Service		Richmond Psychiatry Inpatient Service
	Group Therapy Team		Office of Clinician Support
	Children's Hospital Primary Care Center		Psychopharmacology Program
	Emergency Psychiatry Program

Age Appropriate Answers for Your Children

There is no easy way to talk to children about the nightmarish events and threatening stories they see in the media almost every day. Yet it is one of the most important things we can do as caring adults. It is key that the context of the discussion is sensitive to a child's developmental level and the specific circumstances. Children of all ages will want to know: What does this mean to me? How will I be affected? Will my family and I be safe? Children will take their cues from their parents and the other important adults in their lives. If you convey calm and security, even in a very serious situation, they are far more likely to feel safe.

Don't be afraid to talk to your children about scary topics. You are the best source of information for them and can fashion age appropriate responses. When children are frightened, they look to their parents for guidance. Speak to them. They will listen and be comforted by your thoughtful and caring answers to their questions.

Conversations about such serious topics should happen in a quiet place without distractions. There needs to be time to both talk and listen. Most adults have an easier time talking than they do listening.

For younger children (8 and under)

The safety of the child and his or her loved ones will be a central concern. Try to keep the information as simple as possible. They are not interested in the details but in the safety of themselves and the people closest to them.
Multiple, repetitive reassurances that the important people in the child's life are doing everything possible to keep him or her safe are invaluable.
Extra time and attention will be soothing. Maintaining dependable routines will help also.
Limiting their exposure to the media (television, newspapers, etc.) and watching/reading with them will help insure that they don't feel overwhelmed by the images that we all struggle with.

For older children (8 to 12)

For older children the above suggestions are helpful, with some added details about the event. For instance, if the discussion is about war, the reason for the conflict and our country's view of it are valuable pieces of information for a child.

For Adolescents:

We suggest beginning by asking what they know about the situation and then explaining the pieces they are missing or have wrong.
Expect discussions of details, right vs. wrong, future implications, etc. Adolescents have the ability to discuss world events on a more sophisticated level but still need emotional support from their parents. They also need reassurance about their safety but may not ask for it directly.
It's important to listen respectfully to adolescents, even when they express opinions different than our own.

Signs of Stress

The hallmark of stress in children, adolescents and adults is a change in functioning from their usual patterns. In younger children this may appear as more babyish behavior, clinginess, trouble with sleep, fears and nightmares. In older children the same may be true with the addition of lots of anxious questions: What if this happens? How many? How do you know? You may also see irritability or difficulty with schoolwork. Adolescents look similar to school age children in their symptoms. If these symptoms appear for an extended period of time, it may be a sign to seek out consultation from a mental health expert.

The value of play

For all people, going over and over troubling situations or events is a way of mastery. The multiple televised repetitions of the events of September 11th bear this out. For older children and adults this happens through talking. For younger children it is through play. So acting out an event...like the war scenes he or she has seen on television...is an attempt at mastery. Playing war can also give a child a sense of power over his or her environment. The play can be supplemented by conversation at the appropriate time.

For children of all ages

Taking an active stance so we feel less helpless (think of the outpouring of compassion and generosity that followed September 11th) can help us all feel better. Suggesting a way your child can help in a time of need can be a very valuable way to empower him or her even during the scariest of times.

Remember, through their behavior, words and play, children will show us what's important to them. It's up to us to be responsive to their concerns.



	The information on this website should not be taken as medical advice, which can only be given to you by your personal health care professional.

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